So I am sitting on the plane, and suddenly, while Harry Potter was playing, I had to pause and check the map... Lo and behold, we were just flying over Labrador, about to cross onto Quebec space. And I almost cried. So joyful, I am home! I mean, I'm not back in Saint John yet, but I am now over Canadian soil. It has been just over 7 weeks since I left, and damn I am happy to return.
I have come to appreciate all we are so fortunate to have as Canadians. Our education system, our medical system, our government; yes, they have flaws, but compared to what many other countries have, we need to be grateful. Instead of complaining and being petulant, we need to be honest about the greatness and then strive to improve the weaknesses.
I still have a bit of time before I reach Toronto, then about two hours till my fast flight to Saint John. I am so happy to be soon home, so grateful for what I have experienced, and so motivated to continue improving my life and seizing the day.
Namaste, friends.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
A little more on my own motivation (Please don't judge me)
Something the meditation 'guru' spoke about was motivation; and he made a point about not being concerned with petty things. He asked, "what if my motivation was for chocolate. What if everything I did was just to get chocolate. Can only a human do that? Can only I do that?" And of course, the answer is no. Anyone can try to attain chocolate, be it ants or animals or people. Yes, chocolate may make us happy, but is it true happiness? Or is it just a pleasureable feeling, a fleeting moment? He made the point that true happiness comes from being helpful and compassionate to those in our world; once again, if not a concern for each living thing, then perhaps just focus on being good to the 7 billion people we share the earth with. It made me think about my own motivations, and what silly things I have been striving for. Things that didn't bring me true happiness.
And the biggest thing in the past ten years of my life that I have been concerned with getting, thinking it would make me happy, is marijuana. Shocked? I didn't think so. Most of you who know me know that I have been rather, well, chronic for a long time. Maybe you didn't know the extent, or the length of time. It has been a decade since I started smoking pot.
It started out actually rather innocently. It was also ten years ago that I started to get sick. It was strange, first I would have attacks of digestive pain, then I started to have severe, unexplained muscle pain. Shortly thereafter the intense fatigue and malaise began. My doctor couldn't explain it. I had lots of tests, saw many different specialists, but no answers were forthcoming. Then, I was at a party and smoked some pot and WOW- the problems didn't disappear but it did ease the pain and discomfort. It even kept me energized! So I talked about it with my doctor, who had finally given me a diagnosis of fibromyalgia; a phantom disorder, no one really knows the cause, and often a catch all for pain and fatigue that cannot be explained by other disorders. It was good to have something to explain to people, but didn't change the fact that the only thing that seemed to make a difference was the marijuana. So I began to smoke regularly.
Only I didn't stop there. It was fun, as well as helpful. So I smoked more and more, and since it is technically illegal, spent a lot of money on it. After a while, it began to be my focus. Getting my hands on it, making sure I never ran out, finding time to smoke it. My motivation for working, for doing anything was to get more pot. And although I thought it made me happy, it didn't.
Through relationships with people who did smoke pot and people who didn't, I stayed the same. I worked hard and even my first couple years of school were a success; but I wonder now what I could have done with the clouded mind. My life was a haze of being high, something I did daily. I was sure I couldn't function without it.
And then, the unthinkable happened- I lost the person I cared most about. Instead of caring enough for myself to want to be an independant, healthy, successful woman, I was obsessed with being cared for, obsessed with the idea of being sick and having someone support and love me. And it crumbled. Imagine the stress that puts on a relationship; imagine the stress I unknowingly was putting on myself! And so I smoked even more, to dull the pain and fear and loneliness.
And then I woke up. I decided I wanted to care for me enough to be straight and clean and successful. To be the woman I was planning on being before I got sick. To not need others, but to appreciate them and care for them when they were with me. And I watched a video online about a school in Nepal- of course, you know where that led. 53 days of new experiences, of learning about myself and being strong.
It led to over 53 days of being clean. Of not smoking. Which to me, is a major triumph.
Whew, what a story, huh? Well, imagine if all of this came flooding in as you sit with 9 other people, on low cushions, as a slight Indian man talks about motivation. Imagine having to fight back tears as your entire being says "That is YOU Laura, you spent your time chasing 'chocolate', instead of working to improve yourself so that you could improve the lives of the 7 billion people you share this world with. You had so many gifts and you wasted them, ARE wasting them." So I followed his tips on meditation, and when we were done I hurried to my room. I furiously started writing down my thoughts, wanting to hold tightly to this feeling in order to not have to feel it again. That feeling that I wasted so much time, so much energy, so much of my resources chasing after a silly desire stung.
I don't want to feel like I am wasting my chances again.
Now that isn't to say that I will never smoke again; it isn't to say I won't have drinks with friends, or work to save for clothes I want or things I want. What I am saying is that my true motivation will be to improve my life so that I am in a position to improve the lives of those I love, and those they love, and so on as the circle grows. I want to be a person who is happy to find a partner in life, but who doesn't smother them in neediness. Who shares joy with the people she meets, instead of leeching their happiness from them.
It is something that is hard to do, but is worth it. Find out what your 'chocolate' is. Not everyone may have that silly motivation, but if you do, decide if it truly is making you happy, or if it is just the momentary delight that quickly fades and leaves you almost emptier than before. Decide what will truly make you happy and go for that.
Namaste, friends.
And the biggest thing in the past ten years of my life that I have been concerned with getting, thinking it would make me happy, is marijuana. Shocked? I didn't think so. Most of you who know me know that I have been rather, well, chronic for a long time. Maybe you didn't know the extent, or the length of time. It has been a decade since I started smoking pot.
It started out actually rather innocently. It was also ten years ago that I started to get sick. It was strange, first I would have attacks of digestive pain, then I started to have severe, unexplained muscle pain. Shortly thereafter the intense fatigue and malaise began. My doctor couldn't explain it. I had lots of tests, saw many different specialists, but no answers were forthcoming. Then, I was at a party and smoked some pot and WOW- the problems didn't disappear but it did ease the pain and discomfort. It even kept me energized! So I talked about it with my doctor, who had finally given me a diagnosis of fibromyalgia; a phantom disorder, no one really knows the cause, and often a catch all for pain and fatigue that cannot be explained by other disorders. It was good to have something to explain to people, but didn't change the fact that the only thing that seemed to make a difference was the marijuana. So I began to smoke regularly.
Only I didn't stop there. It was fun, as well as helpful. So I smoked more and more, and since it is technically illegal, spent a lot of money on it. After a while, it began to be my focus. Getting my hands on it, making sure I never ran out, finding time to smoke it. My motivation for working, for doing anything was to get more pot. And although I thought it made me happy, it didn't.
Through relationships with people who did smoke pot and people who didn't, I stayed the same. I worked hard and even my first couple years of school were a success; but I wonder now what I could have done with the clouded mind. My life was a haze of being high, something I did daily. I was sure I couldn't function without it.
And then, the unthinkable happened- I lost the person I cared most about. Instead of caring enough for myself to want to be an independant, healthy, successful woman, I was obsessed with being cared for, obsessed with the idea of being sick and having someone support and love me. And it crumbled. Imagine the stress that puts on a relationship; imagine the stress I unknowingly was putting on myself! And so I smoked even more, to dull the pain and fear and loneliness.
And then I woke up. I decided I wanted to care for me enough to be straight and clean and successful. To be the woman I was planning on being before I got sick. To not need others, but to appreciate them and care for them when they were with me. And I watched a video online about a school in Nepal- of course, you know where that led. 53 days of new experiences, of learning about myself and being strong.
It led to over 53 days of being clean. Of not smoking. Which to me, is a major triumph.
Whew, what a story, huh? Well, imagine if all of this came flooding in as you sit with 9 other people, on low cushions, as a slight Indian man talks about motivation. Imagine having to fight back tears as your entire being says "That is YOU Laura, you spent your time chasing 'chocolate', instead of working to improve yourself so that you could improve the lives of the 7 billion people you share this world with. You had so many gifts and you wasted them, ARE wasting them." So I followed his tips on meditation, and when we were done I hurried to my room. I furiously started writing down my thoughts, wanting to hold tightly to this feeling in order to not have to feel it again. That feeling that I wasted so much time, so much energy, so much of my resources chasing after a silly desire stung.
I don't want to feel like I am wasting my chances again.
Now that isn't to say that I will never smoke again; it isn't to say I won't have drinks with friends, or work to save for clothes I want or things I want. What I am saying is that my true motivation will be to improve my life so that I am in a position to improve the lives of those I love, and those they love, and so on as the circle grows. I want to be a person who is happy to find a partner in life, but who doesn't smother them in neediness. Who shares joy with the people she meets, instead of leeching their happiness from them.
It is something that is hard to do, but is worth it. Find out what your 'chocolate' is. Not everyone may have that silly motivation, but if you do, decide if it truly is making you happy, or if it is just the momentary delight that quickly fades and leaves you almost emptier than before. Decide what will truly make you happy and go for that.
Namaste, friends.
Leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again.... Au Revior, Kathmandu
So I am sitting in the airport, I still have an hour until my flight even starts boarding... I am already tired and a, looking to a 34 hour journey until I land in Saint John. It should be ok tho, once I am on the plane, I can get my headphones out and enjoy some in flight entertainment, as well as some delicious food (I hope!). I leave kathmandu at 130pm, if all goes well, then I land in Bangkok, where I have a 7 hour stopover! Luckily, I was able to change the last of my nepali rupees into American dollars, s. can get a drink and a snack while I wait. After Bangkok I have an 11 our flight to London, which if it is slap to my arrival, is full of delicious food and drinks. In London I have about an hour and a half to make my connection, where I will then fly to Toronto (not Halifax like when I flew here) wait two hours for the final leg of my journey. If all goes according to plan, I arrive home at 4:48 pm Monday, July 22. After 55 days of travel and adventure, I will be happy to be home.
My parents will be picking me up from the airport. I plan on utilizing a washroom in Toronto to make myself look much more presentable. I didn't bother with makeup before I left KTM, as I knew it would all end p melting and making me feel gross. I won't even bother in Bangkok. London is just a quick stop, but hopefully, even with customs, I will have time to make myself look nice. If not, I can always use the bathroom on the plane, although I am unsure if I can make myself up on a bumpy flight. Hopefully we'll have smooth skies.
I am impatient to get going. Unfortunately, I have a middle seat on the flight to Bangkok. It is only a 3 1/2 hour flight tho, so it isn't completely undoable. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the flight to London is as e,p as the flight FROM London was. If so, I'm set! It was so nice, on the flight from London to Bangkok, to have lots of room to stretch out. I'm not counting on it tho. I mean, it's not like I EVER sleep on the flights-even when I take sleeping pills and kick them up with an alcoholic drink. So I plan on catching up on some journaling, watching movies on the monitors provided, and enjoying the snacks and meals provided by the airline. Thai Gardens knows how to treat their customers, thank goodness, as it is a 12 hour flight!
This morning I took one last yoga class. I could have just allowed myself to sleep in, but I woke up early and didn't want to waste the opportunity. It was rough! I was dripping sweat it felt great after. I ordered breakfast, had a shower, enjoyed delicious boiled eggs (which I loaded with chili sauce) fried potatoes with onions, yummy bread with yak butter and apricot jelly, a mango shake (so yum) and a cup of milk tea.
Oh real milk tea, how I will miss you! I did buy some tea to bring home (along with local liquors, local cigarettes for my smoker friends, prayer flags, incense and scarves) butinfear I won't be able to recreate the goodness that is the Nepali milk tea. Especially like it was served at Pal Ewam. Whatever the cook's trick at the school, his large thermoses (thermosi?) of milk tea at break were amazing delicious and restorative, even on a hot day. I will try tho.
I will prolly have some internet in Bangkok, limited in London, and I don't know it'll have ANY in Toronto. Isn't that funny? There is so much more available wifi in the 'third world' country of Nepal than in my first world nation of Canada. So we'll see. I don't have long to wait there anyway, so even if not, it's not the end of the world. And once I get to Toronto I can turn my phone back on! Booyah!
I haven't used my phone since May 30th. It doesn't even roam to London. Damn me for not having a smart phone.
Oh well.
And there is a tiny cat running around the airport. How cool is that? I only wish it was friendlier, and would come sit by me.
All for now, dear friends,
Namaste.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Meditation... Tougher than you think
So during this final week of my adventure, I have been attending Yoga and Meditation daily. The yoga isn't as tough as I thought it would be, luckily my workouts and stretches and bastardized-yoga-routines at home have helped me be ready to take part. Interestingly enough, the meditation is really tough.
The first half hour is analytic meditation, or thoughts and conclusions. Like today, our guru spoke about motivation; that we all have motivation to do what we do, whether it is the ants who are motivated to work, animals motivated to hunt, or people motivated to seek out meditation or guidance or clothes or cars or wealth... And that at the root, that motivation is really for happiness, to avoid suffering. Animals, insects, people, everything is motivated to reduce their suffering and be content, to be happy.
He also gave us the quote:
"Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts
towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can."
It is from the Dalai Lama. Our guru asked us to think about how fortunate we are each day to be alive, to have the ability to seek out what makes us happy and to control our thoughts and actions. When we die, we no longer have our body to control; we can no longer speak, interact, be with our loved ones. Whatever your belief system, when you die you are no longer a part of this earth. And so we cannot waste the life and opportunities we have each day.
I am only 35, but I have already lost friends. People I care about, my grandparents, others I have looked up to, friends I attended school with or worked with, they have passed on. They are gone. I am not. And I am fortunate each day to wake up and be alive.
I nearly started crying as he spoke. How is it possible that I was ready to waste my own life, my own talents and strengths? It was a dark period for me, but there was a time when I just wanted to not wake up. Let me be clear: I wanted to die. I do not want to die any longer.
It isn't just living life, though. It is taking each opportunity to find out what philosophy is right for me, to find out if Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Wiccan, Athiesm, whatever- take the time to investigate what truth is right for you and your life. Allow others to believe what is right for them. It is also improving ourselves, not to be the best, to be the richest or the most famous, but to be able to ease the suffering of our fellow beings. If you can't make equal in your mind all beings, from insects to cows, to cats to people, then just focus on helping and loving your fellow man. To allow all people, no matter race or sex or orientation equality. To not be jealous (I have trouble with that- I am so jealous of people with singing talent), not to be hateful or spiteful, but to be honest and caring and compassionate.
After we have a period of thinking- of coming to conclusions and using our minds actively, we spend the other half of meditation clearing our minds and focusing on our breathing. Letting go of all that is happening in our brains, in our lives, and just breathing. We practice a Tibetan breathing technique where you do 9 rounds of breathing. Each round is a breath in and out, and you count them to 9. You only continue to 9 as long as you do not get distracted. That is the most difficult part. Not thinking about anything but the breathing. Not letting the noises outside distract your mind, not thinking about the video you watched before meditation, not allowing thoughts of those you love and miss in as you focus only on your breath in, your breath out.
Then, when the mind is calm, you begin to focus on your heart, picturing a light as bright as the sun glowing from your heart, your body disintegrating into nothingness, then the light envelopes the building you are in, the city you are in, the entire world. It spreads, beyond the earth, beyond the planets, beyond the sun until there is absolute nothingness.
That is the goal of this meditation, to lose oneself into the calmness that is nothingness. That is where true control of your mind comes from. When you are able to take your consciousness into this nothingness, you can then save yourself from the negative effects of anxiety, attachment, depression, to control your wants and seek true happiness. And that is why it is so hard for me. My mind is always doing so many things at once, thinking of so many different things, desiring so many things, worrying about so many things. And that is also why I find this meditation so important. I want to take control of my mind, to harness it, not kill it. To be able to improve myself, help others- both those I love and those I don't even know- and to use each opportunity to its fullest.
I am so grateful for this trip, I continue to learn about myself and my world everyday. It is Wednesday evening, I leave Sunday afternoon. I can't wait to come home, I miss home so much, but I will be sad that my growth here will end. It is easy to learn lessons when each day is filled with new and foreign experiences. It is tougher to keep motivated and learning and improving when you are in your comfort zone.
Yet that is my goal. To continue learning, growing, and improving.
Namaste
The first half hour is analytic meditation, or thoughts and conclusions. Like today, our guru spoke about motivation; that we all have motivation to do what we do, whether it is the ants who are motivated to work, animals motivated to hunt, or people motivated to seek out meditation or guidance or clothes or cars or wealth... And that at the root, that motivation is really for happiness, to avoid suffering. Animals, insects, people, everything is motivated to reduce their suffering and be content, to be happy.
He also gave us the quote:
"Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts
towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can."
It is from the Dalai Lama. Our guru asked us to think about how fortunate we are each day to be alive, to have the ability to seek out what makes us happy and to control our thoughts and actions. When we die, we no longer have our body to control; we can no longer speak, interact, be with our loved ones. Whatever your belief system, when you die you are no longer a part of this earth. And so we cannot waste the life and opportunities we have each day.
I am only 35, but I have already lost friends. People I care about, my grandparents, others I have looked up to, friends I attended school with or worked with, they have passed on. They are gone. I am not. And I am fortunate each day to wake up and be alive.
I nearly started crying as he spoke. How is it possible that I was ready to waste my own life, my own talents and strengths? It was a dark period for me, but there was a time when I just wanted to not wake up. Let me be clear: I wanted to die. I do not want to die any longer.
It isn't just living life, though. It is taking each opportunity to find out what philosophy is right for me, to find out if Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Wiccan, Athiesm, whatever- take the time to investigate what truth is right for you and your life. Allow others to believe what is right for them. It is also improving ourselves, not to be the best, to be the richest or the most famous, but to be able to ease the suffering of our fellow beings. If you can't make equal in your mind all beings, from insects to cows, to cats to people, then just focus on helping and loving your fellow man. To allow all people, no matter race or sex or orientation equality. To not be jealous (I have trouble with that- I am so jealous of people with singing talent), not to be hateful or spiteful, but to be honest and caring and compassionate.
After we have a period of thinking- of coming to conclusions and using our minds actively, we spend the other half of meditation clearing our minds and focusing on our breathing. Letting go of all that is happening in our brains, in our lives, and just breathing. We practice a Tibetan breathing technique where you do 9 rounds of breathing. Each round is a breath in and out, and you count them to 9. You only continue to 9 as long as you do not get distracted. That is the most difficult part. Not thinking about anything but the breathing. Not letting the noises outside distract your mind, not thinking about the video you watched before meditation, not allowing thoughts of those you love and miss in as you focus only on your breath in, your breath out.
Then, when the mind is calm, you begin to focus on your heart, picturing a light as bright as the sun glowing from your heart, your body disintegrating into nothingness, then the light envelopes the building you are in, the city you are in, the entire world. It spreads, beyond the earth, beyond the planets, beyond the sun until there is absolute nothingness.
That is the goal of this meditation, to lose oneself into the calmness that is nothingness. That is where true control of your mind comes from. When you are able to take your consciousness into this nothingness, you can then save yourself from the negative effects of anxiety, attachment, depression, to control your wants and seek true happiness. And that is why it is so hard for me. My mind is always doing so many things at once, thinking of so many different things, desiring so many things, worrying about so many things. And that is also why I find this meditation so important. I want to take control of my mind, to harness it, not kill it. To be able to improve myself, help others- both those I love and those I don't even know- and to use each opportunity to its fullest.
I am so grateful for this trip, I continue to learn about myself and my world everyday. It is Wednesday evening, I leave Sunday afternoon. I can't wait to come home, I miss home so much, but I will be sad that my growth here will end. It is easy to learn lessons when each day is filled with new and foreign experiences. It is tougher to keep motivated and learning and improving when you are in your comfort zone.
Yet that is my goal. To continue learning, growing, and improving.
Namaste
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Thamel, Thamel, Thamel... Or updating on what I have been up to
Thamel is... Interesting. I stayed 3 days at the Himalayan Yoga Hotel; during that time I would go out daily and walk around the tourist neighbourhood of Kathmandu. Everywhere you go is reatsaurants, small shops, tables set up with jewelry and statues and all manner of scarves and pashminas. People walk down the street, trying to convince you to come to their spa, buy their wares, or stay at their hotel/guesthouse. And so many hippies! Nepal is a country filled with tourist hippies.
After three days, I moved to the Heritage Hotel and Guest House. Here I was surprised to find a tv in my room, with satellite channels! So even though I don't get Canadian tv, I do get to chill in the hot of the midday and the dark of the evenings with Star World India, Star Movies India, and HBO Asia. I have been watching repeats of Two and a Half Men (what an absurd show) Masterchef Australia (I love cooking competitions!) and so many hollywood movies, both old and new (Jurassic Park, anyone?)
Meanwhile, I have also been to the Garden of Dreams, a beautiful private garden that was restored at the beginning of the 20th century. It was amazing there, so peaceful and removed from the hustle and bustle of the road outside.
When you walk in, through a white stone wall, you buy a ticket ($2) and then turn a corner into some amazing greenery. There is a cafe to the east, and an open air bar to the west. Very near the entrance is a beautiful half circle of terraced ground, with cushioned mats provided for lounging. First I explored, taking pictures (Curious George accompanied me for this trip) checking out the many small nooks and crannies that amorous Nepalese couples love to hide themselves in. I disturbed a few people, apologized, and hurried to the next little spot.
There is a small gallery of before and after pictures, showing the state of the garden before the restoration. There are beautiful statues of elephants at the main entrance of the cafe, and a gorgeous pond with lillies and pads and coy fish.
After walking around I found an empty mat and relaxed in the hot sun, pulling out my iPad to read. (Can I just say how much I love the Kindle reader app on my iPad? I think I have 30 books on it now, available anytime, with no extra weight!) I think I relaxed there for two hours, watching a mother and her two children play and read, numerous couples cuddle and laugh together, and some groups of teenagers in their school uniforms joke around. It was heaven.
After the garden, I made my way back into the heart of Thamel, back to another visit to The Roadhouse restaurant. It was hot and sunny, and I was craving a tall cold glass of iced tea. I also ordered a club sandwich, and was not disappointed. Altho different than at home, this was delicious! It had sliced ham, fried egg, chicken salad, tomato and olives and cheese, as well as MAYO. It has been so long since I had mayonnaise! I ate it and read some more, then made my way back to my hotel. I was so tired.
But Laura, what about your volunteering? Weren't you going to be volunteering this week? Yes, I was. Maybe you remember my last post, when I was depressed about being sick again? Well, the hotel has a doctor on call, and the staff saw me one morning and asked if I was ok, if I wanted to see the doctor. Trutfully, I didn't. I was good at taking care of myself, I had already contacted the shcool to tell them I was sick, and I wasn't pushing myself each day. No 5 hour walkabouts like in Patan or Lakeside, just an hour or two then back to rest, with another hour or two later in the day. The staff here were insistent, maybe to get the doctor some extra bucks, maybe because they really are attentive to their guests, but I am glad I did.
I didn't have food poisoning, I didn't have heat stroke. No, the doctor listened to my complaints, listened to my chest and advised me I had a mild chest infection-something very common for tourists to Kathmandu. During rainy season, the quick changes in temperature and humidity, as well as the large amount of dirt and dust easily cause infections in many visitors. He gave me the name of an antibiotic that would help (I had to explain multiple times I was allergic to penicillan) and told me to tell the staff if things didn't get better.
Luckily, there is a pharmacy around the corner from the hotel. Pharmacies here aren't like at home, they are just small stores (many times just a stall) with all manner of pills, lotions, and medicines to help. In fact, you don't need a prescription for most drugs. I still need to go back and find out if I can buy a bottle of the sleeping pills I am almost out of.
So anyway, I took most of the week easy, until yesterday (Friday). It was yesterday I woke up and decided to visit Swayambhunath, the site of the affectionately named Monkey Temple. I grabbed a taxi there (maybe 3 bucks?) and was met by the most intimidating set of stairs; 365 in total, very steep. The sun was out in full force as well, and unfortunately I hadn't had breakfast that morning. It was a tough climb. I had to stop halfway up to rest, my lungs wheezing in protest, the air getting thinner with every step. Hadn't I learned at the Peace Pagoda in Pokhara to take my time? No, I pushed myself, and halfway up I nearly died. But I didn't. I regained some composure, traded the horrible wheezing for a mild wheeze, and continued up.
I think part of the reason I didn't slow down on the climb was the locals who tried to getyou to buy things on every step. Women with their babies begged for milk money, young teenage boys would offer their services as a tour guide, and tables and tables of jewelry and knicknacks and more with hawkers calling to you. I pushed myself on, smiling but shaking my head that I wasn't interested.
Then at the top you buy your ticket, another 2 buck entry fee, and you have arrived. I walked around, turning prayer wheels and taking pictures. An old lady saw me sitting and catching my breath, and came over. "Picture?" she said, bowing slightly, but I said no. Locals will offer to have their picture taken in gorgeous saris, only to demand payment after for their posing. I wasn't interested, but took pictures of the monkeys, (I think macaques?), the statues, the temples and the view. I walked around in a clockwise direction, according to the guidebooks, and then found a small cafe to have lunch in. I was starving. The climb and the heat was overwhelming.
The cafe was dingy, but the food was clean and delicious. I had originally ordered a cheese sandwich and fries, (most cheese sandwiches here come grilled), but the waiter returned to advise me they were out of bread! I quickly checked the menu again, and ordered some egg fried rice.
I am glad they were out of bread. The rice was basic yet delicious! I stuffed myself full, read a bit more, then continued on around the stupa, and down the back stairs to more stalls and temples and sites. Then I bargained a taxi (he wanted 6, I paid 4) and was on my way through the exciting streets back to my hotel.
At the hotel I found out the internet was down! What was I to do? I decided to relax a while, and then go find lupper. I returned to the Electric Pagoda restaurant, first because there were items on the menu I wanted to try and second because I knew they had wifi. I caught up on emailing, downloaded a few new books to read, and had the most delicious (and spicy) hyderabadi biryani with onion raita. Oh my goodness it was amazing, leaving my mouth sizzling with spicy goodness. I also downed too many gin and tonics, it was happy hour and I hadn'y expected 2 for one; remember, standard serving size here is a double! Luckily, the Electric Pagoda is only around the corner from my hotel, so I didn't need to worry about the (extremely tipsy) walk back. I made it to my room and fell onto the bed, snoozed a bit, watched some Greys Anatomy on satellite, then fell into a deep slumber. I didn't wake up until nearly 8 the next morning! Believe me, that is a very late sleep in for me, now.
The internet was still down so instead of eating breakfast in my room (room service rocks) I went out to the Northfield Cafe and had a large breakfast of sausage patties, homefries, fried eggs with lots of hot sauce (what can I say, I can't get enough!) and coffee. SO MUCH COFFEE. I was chatting via Skype with friends at home and didn't want to leave, so I ordered some iced tea (delicious and refreshing) and forced it into my nearly bursting stomach. Two iced teas later, it was 2 am at home and I needed to empty my bladder. Three coffees and two iced teas will do that to you!
A funny thing happened at the Northfield as well; the manager, a happy looking man, came up to chat to see how I was doing. He made the rounds to all the patrons, and was very charming. However, he sat down and talked to me, ordering an iced mocha for me to try, and complimenting me on my dimpled smile. He learned I was from Canada, and like so many of the native Nepalese I have met here, talked about how much he wanted to move to Toronto. Apparently Canada is well respected arond the world, and many of the locals here have dreams of immigrating. I proudly talked up our country, which I do love so much, and blushed as he came back multiple times to make me laugh so he could see my dimples. Oh these men! Always looking for foreign wives.
I am now relaxing in my hotel room, no plans for today other than to go out later for supper. I will, after everything digests and I feel less bloated, do some in room exercises; I looked up some simple things for me to do on the days I don't go walking in order to prevent all the food I have been fortunate enough to enjoy from fattening me up again. I mean, I'm pretty sure I haven't really lost much weight, but I sure don't want to go home and be heavier than when I left.
Only 8 days until I catch a plane home, and only one more site to visit. Tomorrow I go back to the Hotel Himalaya Yoga, and plan on daily yoga and meditation classes. Then, on Sunday the 21st, I head home. I do miss home, so very much. I love Nepal, I miss my monklets, but I miss home, my family, my cat, my friends even more.
Namaste
After three days, I moved to the Heritage Hotel and Guest House. Here I was surprised to find a tv in my room, with satellite channels! So even though I don't get Canadian tv, I do get to chill in the hot of the midday and the dark of the evenings with Star World India, Star Movies India, and HBO Asia. I have been watching repeats of Two and a Half Men (what an absurd show) Masterchef Australia (I love cooking competitions!) and so many hollywood movies, both old and new (Jurassic Park, anyone?)
Meanwhile, I have also been to the Garden of Dreams, a beautiful private garden that was restored at the beginning of the 20th century. It was amazing there, so peaceful and removed from the hustle and bustle of the road outside.
When you walk in, through a white stone wall, you buy a ticket ($2) and then turn a corner into some amazing greenery. There is a cafe to the east, and an open air bar to the west. Very near the entrance is a beautiful half circle of terraced ground, with cushioned mats provided for lounging. First I explored, taking pictures (Curious George accompanied me for this trip) checking out the many small nooks and crannies that amorous Nepalese couples love to hide themselves in. I disturbed a few people, apologized, and hurried to the next little spot.
There is a small gallery of before and after pictures, showing the state of the garden before the restoration. There are beautiful statues of elephants at the main entrance of the cafe, and a gorgeous pond with lillies and pads and coy fish.
After walking around I found an empty mat and relaxed in the hot sun, pulling out my iPad to read. (Can I just say how much I love the Kindle reader app on my iPad? I think I have 30 books on it now, available anytime, with no extra weight!) I think I relaxed there for two hours, watching a mother and her two children play and read, numerous couples cuddle and laugh together, and some groups of teenagers in their school uniforms joke around. It was heaven.
After the garden, I made my way back into the heart of Thamel, back to another visit to The Roadhouse restaurant. It was hot and sunny, and I was craving a tall cold glass of iced tea. I also ordered a club sandwich, and was not disappointed. Altho different than at home, this was delicious! It had sliced ham, fried egg, chicken salad, tomato and olives and cheese, as well as MAYO. It has been so long since I had mayonnaise! I ate it and read some more, then made my way back to my hotel. I was so tired.
But Laura, what about your volunteering? Weren't you going to be volunteering this week? Yes, I was. Maybe you remember my last post, when I was depressed about being sick again? Well, the hotel has a doctor on call, and the staff saw me one morning and asked if I was ok, if I wanted to see the doctor. Trutfully, I didn't. I was good at taking care of myself, I had already contacted the shcool to tell them I was sick, and I wasn't pushing myself each day. No 5 hour walkabouts like in Patan or Lakeside, just an hour or two then back to rest, with another hour or two later in the day. The staff here were insistent, maybe to get the doctor some extra bucks, maybe because they really are attentive to their guests, but I am glad I did.
I didn't have food poisoning, I didn't have heat stroke. No, the doctor listened to my complaints, listened to my chest and advised me I had a mild chest infection-something very common for tourists to Kathmandu. During rainy season, the quick changes in temperature and humidity, as well as the large amount of dirt and dust easily cause infections in many visitors. He gave me the name of an antibiotic that would help (I had to explain multiple times I was allergic to penicillan) and told me to tell the staff if things didn't get better.
Luckily, there is a pharmacy around the corner from the hotel. Pharmacies here aren't like at home, they are just small stores (many times just a stall) with all manner of pills, lotions, and medicines to help. In fact, you don't need a prescription for most drugs. I still need to go back and find out if I can buy a bottle of the sleeping pills I am almost out of.
So anyway, I took most of the week easy, until yesterday (Friday). It was yesterday I woke up and decided to visit Swayambhunath, the site of the affectionately named Monkey Temple. I grabbed a taxi there (maybe 3 bucks?) and was met by the most intimidating set of stairs; 365 in total, very steep. The sun was out in full force as well, and unfortunately I hadn't had breakfast that morning. It was a tough climb. I had to stop halfway up to rest, my lungs wheezing in protest, the air getting thinner with every step. Hadn't I learned at the Peace Pagoda in Pokhara to take my time? No, I pushed myself, and halfway up I nearly died. But I didn't. I regained some composure, traded the horrible wheezing for a mild wheeze, and continued up.
I think part of the reason I didn't slow down on the climb was the locals who tried to getyou to buy things on every step. Women with their babies begged for milk money, young teenage boys would offer their services as a tour guide, and tables and tables of jewelry and knicknacks and more with hawkers calling to you. I pushed myself on, smiling but shaking my head that I wasn't interested.
Then at the top you buy your ticket, another 2 buck entry fee, and you have arrived. I walked around, turning prayer wheels and taking pictures. An old lady saw me sitting and catching my breath, and came over. "Picture?" she said, bowing slightly, but I said no. Locals will offer to have their picture taken in gorgeous saris, only to demand payment after for their posing. I wasn't interested, but took pictures of the monkeys, (I think macaques?), the statues, the temples and the view. I walked around in a clockwise direction, according to the guidebooks, and then found a small cafe to have lunch in. I was starving. The climb and the heat was overwhelming.
The cafe was dingy, but the food was clean and delicious. I had originally ordered a cheese sandwich and fries, (most cheese sandwiches here come grilled), but the waiter returned to advise me they were out of bread! I quickly checked the menu again, and ordered some egg fried rice.
I am glad they were out of bread. The rice was basic yet delicious! I stuffed myself full, read a bit more, then continued on around the stupa, and down the back stairs to more stalls and temples and sites. Then I bargained a taxi (he wanted 6, I paid 4) and was on my way through the exciting streets back to my hotel.
At the hotel I found out the internet was down! What was I to do? I decided to relax a while, and then go find lupper. I returned to the Electric Pagoda restaurant, first because there were items on the menu I wanted to try and second because I knew they had wifi. I caught up on emailing, downloaded a few new books to read, and had the most delicious (and spicy) hyderabadi biryani with onion raita. Oh my goodness it was amazing, leaving my mouth sizzling with spicy goodness. I also downed too many gin and tonics, it was happy hour and I hadn'y expected 2 for one; remember, standard serving size here is a double! Luckily, the Electric Pagoda is only around the corner from my hotel, so I didn't need to worry about the (extremely tipsy) walk back. I made it to my room and fell onto the bed, snoozed a bit, watched some Greys Anatomy on satellite, then fell into a deep slumber. I didn't wake up until nearly 8 the next morning! Believe me, that is a very late sleep in for me, now.
The internet was still down so instead of eating breakfast in my room (room service rocks) I went out to the Northfield Cafe and had a large breakfast of sausage patties, homefries, fried eggs with lots of hot sauce (what can I say, I can't get enough!) and coffee. SO MUCH COFFEE. I was chatting via Skype with friends at home and didn't want to leave, so I ordered some iced tea (delicious and refreshing) and forced it into my nearly bursting stomach. Two iced teas later, it was 2 am at home and I needed to empty my bladder. Three coffees and two iced teas will do that to you!
A funny thing happened at the Northfield as well; the manager, a happy looking man, came up to chat to see how I was doing. He made the rounds to all the patrons, and was very charming. However, he sat down and talked to me, ordering an iced mocha for me to try, and complimenting me on my dimpled smile. He learned I was from Canada, and like so many of the native Nepalese I have met here, talked about how much he wanted to move to Toronto. Apparently Canada is well respected arond the world, and many of the locals here have dreams of immigrating. I proudly talked up our country, which I do love so much, and blushed as he came back multiple times to make me laugh so he could see my dimples. Oh these men! Always looking for foreign wives.
I am now relaxing in my hotel room, no plans for today other than to go out later for supper. I will, after everything digests and I feel less bloated, do some in room exercises; I looked up some simple things for me to do on the days I don't go walking in order to prevent all the food I have been fortunate enough to enjoy from fattening me up again. I mean, I'm pretty sure I haven't really lost much weight, but I sure don't want to go home and be heavier than when I left.
Only 8 days until I catch a plane home, and only one more site to visit. Tomorrow I go back to the Hotel Himalaya Yoga, and plan on daily yoga and meditation classes. Then, on Sunday the 21st, I head home. I do miss home, so very much. I love Nepal, I miss my monklets, but I miss home, my family, my cat, my friends even more.
Namaste
Learning to Cook like a Local
One of my days here in Thamel, the tourist district of Kathmandu, I was fortunate enough to be part of a 'Cook Like a Local' class provided by Social Tours. ST is an organization that runs trekking tours, cooking classes and local walks to raise awareness and keep money in the hands of local Nepalese people. I was excited to find out I could be part of a class to learn how to properly cook Dal Bhat, pretty much the national dish of Nepal. Rice, lentil soup and some type of vegetable curry is what most Nepalese eat at least twice a day. At the monastery, I fell in love with dal bhat, and when I came to Kathmandu I missed it. I am now happy to say I feel confident in my abilty to cook it when I get home. The ingredients aren't exotic, and the spices used are available in the supermarkets at home. It is just knowing the amounts and the steps involved.
I showed up about 15 minutes early, the Social Tours office only a couple minutes walk down the main street, Tridevi Marg. There I met Erika, a local who had lived most of her life outside of Nepal, but had returned as a young adult and was motivated to make a difference in the lives of her people. I also met the two other tourists who were signed up for the class, both from England, although they had been living in Honk Kong for the the last couple years. I, of course, easily chatted with them as we enjoyed milk tea and filled in our registration forms. Then we met our teacher, the office's resident cook, and started out for the market.
Now when I say market, I mean a tiny stall down one alleyway and onto another, even smaller alley. The store was packed with fresh vegetables, bags and boxes of spices, dried lentils, beans and chickpeas, and bottles of sauces and pickles (not what we think of pickles, but Indian style ones, more like chutneys). Our teacher asked what vegetable we wanted to make, and I knew right off- potato and green bean. It was my favorite combination at the monastery, and I wanted to know how to make it right.We also bought some mustard greens and spinach, a bag of mixed lentils, and fresh garlic and ginger. We were shown what spices we would normally buy, but didn't have to because the kitchen already had them.
Then we made our way back to the office where the kitchen was, and surprise surprise, it started to rain. You learn quickly that even when the day starts hot and sunny, you bring your umbrella with you because during rainy season, it can change in the blink of an eye. We opened our umbrellas and were spared a soaking.
Then the cooking began. I had so much fun. Using a mortar and pestle to mash garlic and ginger and create the tomato pickle (kind of like a salsa), chopping veg and learning what amount of water, spices and oil to use to create the deliciousness that is a proper dal bhat. It took about an hour, then it was time to eat our creation! The entire office staff came in to eat with us, and it was a wonderful time talking and laughing and going back for seconds.
After the class, Erika asked us to fill out a small form that rated our experience. I really couldn't have been happier, so I wrote out a glowing reccomendation and promised her I would be going online to talk them up on tripadvisor.com or whatever travel site I could find.
Really, it only cost about 10 bucks American for 3 hours of instruction and touring. And I got a meal, which at home would have been about 10 bucks anyway.
I can't get enough of this place. I love it here. Yes, I miss home, but I'm sure I'll miss Nepal when I finally get back to Canada.
Namaste
I showed up about 15 minutes early, the Social Tours office only a couple minutes walk down the main street, Tridevi Marg. There I met Erika, a local who had lived most of her life outside of Nepal, but had returned as a young adult and was motivated to make a difference in the lives of her people. I also met the two other tourists who were signed up for the class, both from England, although they had been living in Honk Kong for the the last couple years. I, of course, easily chatted with them as we enjoyed milk tea and filled in our registration forms. Then we met our teacher, the office's resident cook, and started out for the market.
Now when I say market, I mean a tiny stall down one alleyway and onto another, even smaller alley. The store was packed with fresh vegetables, bags and boxes of spices, dried lentils, beans and chickpeas, and bottles of sauces and pickles (not what we think of pickles, but Indian style ones, more like chutneys). Our teacher asked what vegetable we wanted to make, and I knew right off- potato and green bean. It was my favorite combination at the monastery, and I wanted to know how to make it right.We also bought some mustard greens and spinach, a bag of mixed lentils, and fresh garlic and ginger. We were shown what spices we would normally buy, but didn't have to because the kitchen already had them.
Then we made our way back to the office where the kitchen was, and surprise surprise, it started to rain. You learn quickly that even when the day starts hot and sunny, you bring your umbrella with you because during rainy season, it can change in the blink of an eye. We opened our umbrellas and were spared a soaking.
Then the cooking began. I had so much fun. Using a mortar and pestle to mash garlic and ginger and create the tomato pickle (kind of like a salsa), chopping veg and learning what amount of water, spices and oil to use to create the deliciousness that is a proper dal bhat. It took about an hour, then it was time to eat our creation! The entire office staff came in to eat with us, and it was a wonderful time talking and laughing and going back for seconds.
After the class, Erika asked us to fill out a small form that rated our experience. I really couldn't have been happier, so I wrote out a glowing reccomendation and promised her I would be going online to talk them up on tripadvisor.com or whatever travel site I could find.
Really, it only cost about 10 bucks American for 3 hours of instruction and touring. And I got a meal, which at home would have been about 10 bucks anyway.
I can't get enough of this place. I love it here. Yes, I miss home, but I'm sure I'll miss Nepal when I finally get back to Canada.
Namaste
Sunday, July 7, 2013
A slightly more melancholy post
13 days. 13 left until I catch my flight home. In that time, I'm signed up for a cooking class, and I hope to do a week of yoga during my last 7 days. This week, I was supposed to be volunteering at the Koseli School, but Saturday night I started vomiting, and although I have that under control (yay for extra meds from the last time I was sick) I now am having chronic headaches whenever I go out for more than an hour and a half.
Being sick again, especially such a strange illness, where I constantly feel a migraine approaching but it never actually gets to full migraine mode (I am not sensitive to sound but I am sensitive to light, I don't feel like I'm constantly going to throw up but do feel like I'm dizzy a lot of the time) has made me a little melancholy.
Not full on depression, but a sort of defeated attitude. I know that many times I get migraines during certain points of my menstrual cycle (TMI? Sorry...), but since coming to Nepal even my cycle has been completely screwed up. So has my confidence. Yes, I always feel down when I get sick, but before this trip I sort of thought maybe I was making myself sick. Maybe I was imagining things until I was actually showing physical symptoms. Now I'm a little worried that yes, I will always have to deal with being ill, with the unexpected flare ups of unknown origin. And it makes me sad.
So I spend a lot of time listening to shows on the TV, forcing myself out for short walks, and reviewing lessons in case I get to actually visit Koseli. I haven't given up, I'm just being realistic. I am not happy that I am missing the main inspiration for my trip, but it has also let me realize that we can't control everything, that the lessons we learn in life aren't always in the places we think they will be, and that my reasons for coming to Nepal weren't neccesarily to help others.
I came here to help myself. And I have, in a lot of ways. I've had to face my own fears of looking like an idiot to people, own up to the fact that I worry a lot about what people think of me. The locals, who I at first were so scared of asking for help from, and what you all at home think of me. I have also realized I am a little dependant on my connections at home. People who I was trying to grow and learn to be without, I feel more reliant on for friendship and support than ever. My family, who I wanted to show that I was actually maturing and growing and wouldn't need their support, I have had to ask for financial help. Friends who I wanted to prove I could do without, not because I didn't like him/her/them but because I needed to learn to be less attached (thank you Dalai Lama for that bit of wisdom, attachment breeds fear and sorrow), I have realized I love and cherish more than ever before.
I AM learning things here, about myself, my strengths, my weaknesses. I am also feeling lost, alone, and ready to come home. Is that shameful? So many people would give their right arm for this experience, and I am now ready to give it up and rush home, to the safety and comfort of my family and friends. I'm tired of not speaking the language (I have tried, reading the language primer I received from Alliance Nepal when I arrived, reading the Nepalese/English phrasebook, trying to have the boys at the monastery teach me words), tired of getting lost every time I try to walk to a new temple or garden or restaurant, tired of being alone.
I love to travel, I have realized that, but I think I love to travel with a companion. I am not a loner, as much as I like my alone time (after high school, my bestie Tish used to tease me about being a hermit), I am social creature and love to be surrounded by friends. I actually miss going to work at the craft store, talking with my co workers and helping customers. I miss my mom. I miss my cat, who seems to have adjusted back into his old home, and doesn't seem to even miss me. I mean, he is a cat, not a person, but I love him and he used to follow me around the house. Now I am unsure I want to remove him from his new/old domain. He is king there.
I don't even know why I am complaining so much. I am lucky to be here, so many people have helped me. I should be forcing myself to power through the illness, to ignore the pain in my head and the dizziness and just get on with helping. People here are strong, I don't think I am strong enough.
This really is starting to sound rather self-pitying. I don't want it to come across like that. Today is the 8th of July, and I will rest and take care of myself and tomorrow, tomorrow I will have the strength to do whatever needs done. To be strong and follow through on my commitments. At least, to stop feeling so sad about being sick and alone.
I promise the next update will be more cheery, I just needed to get this off my chest, I think. I will have good news, or at least update you about what I've done between Patan and getting sick.
Thank you, everyone, for being so supportive. I hope to not disappoint you. I promise to try hard to make you proud during this last leg of my adventure.
Namaste
Being sick again, especially such a strange illness, where I constantly feel a migraine approaching but it never actually gets to full migraine mode (I am not sensitive to sound but I am sensitive to light, I don't feel like I'm constantly going to throw up but do feel like I'm dizzy a lot of the time) has made me a little melancholy.
Not full on depression, but a sort of defeated attitude. I know that many times I get migraines during certain points of my menstrual cycle (TMI? Sorry...), but since coming to Nepal even my cycle has been completely screwed up. So has my confidence. Yes, I always feel down when I get sick, but before this trip I sort of thought maybe I was making myself sick. Maybe I was imagining things until I was actually showing physical symptoms. Now I'm a little worried that yes, I will always have to deal with being ill, with the unexpected flare ups of unknown origin. And it makes me sad.
So I spend a lot of time listening to shows on the TV, forcing myself out for short walks, and reviewing lessons in case I get to actually visit Koseli. I haven't given up, I'm just being realistic. I am not happy that I am missing the main inspiration for my trip, but it has also let me realize that we can't control everything, that the lessons we learn in life aren't always in the places we think they will be, and that my reasons for coming to Nepal weren't neccesarily to help others.
I came here to help myself. And I have, in a lot of ways. I've had to face my own fears of looking like an idiot to people, own up to the fact that I worry a lot about what people think of me. The locals, who I at first were so scared of asking for help from, and what you all at home think of me. I have also realized I am a little dependant on my connections at home. People who I was trying to grow and learn to be without, I feel more reliant on for friendship and support than ever. My family, who I wanted to show that I was actually maturing and growing and wouldn't need their support, I have had to ask for financial help. Friends who I wanted to prove I could do without, not because I didn't like him/her/them but because I needed to learn to be less attached (thank you Dalai Lama for that bit of wisdom, attachment breeds fear and sorrow), I have realized I love and cherish more than ever before.
I AM learning things here, about myself, my strengths, my weaknesses. I am also feeling lost, alone, and ready to come home. Is that shameful? So many people would give their right arm for this experience, and I am now ready to give it up and rush home, to the safety and comfort of my family and friends. I'm tired of not speaking the language (I have tried, reading the language primer I received from Alliance Nepal when I arrived, reading the Nepalese/English phrasebook, trying to have the boys at the monastery teach me words), tired of getting lost every time I try to walk to a new temple or garden or restaurant, tired of being alone.
I love to travel, I have realized that, but I think I love to travel with a companion. I am not a loner, as much as I like my alone time (after high school, my bestie Tish used to tease me about being a hermit), I am social creature and love to be surrounded by friends. I actually miss going to work at the craft store, talking with my co workers and helping customers. I miss my mom. I miss my cat, who seems to have adjusted back into his old home, and doesn't seem to even miss me. I mean, he is a cat, not a person, but I love him and he used to follow me around the house. Now I am unsure I want to remove him from his new/old domain. He is king there.
I don't even know why I am complaining so much. I am lucky to be here, so many people have helped me. I should be forcing myself to power through the illness, to ignore the pain in my head and the dizziness and just get on with helping. People here are strong, I don't think I am strong enough.
This really is starting to sound rather self-pitying. I don't want it to come across like that. Today is the 8th of July, and I will rest and take care of myself and tomorrow, tomorrow I will have the strength to do whatever needs done. To be strong and follow through on my commitments. At least, to stop feeling so sad about being sick and alone.
I promise the next update will be more cheery, I just needed to get this off my chest, I think. I will have good news, or at least update you about what I've done between Patan and getting sick.
Thank you, everyone, for being so supportive. I hope to not disappoint you. I promise to try hard to make you proud during this last leg of my adventure.
Namaste
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