Flights are booked. This is real.

Namaste, friends.

Today I got my flight itinerary. On May 29th, I fly out of Saint John, NB and spend 32 hours traveling to Kathmandu, Nepal. I leave Kathmandu on July 30th, arriving back in Saint John on Aug 1st.

Yes, that means this is all very real.

I started crying when we printed off the schedule. I am so excited, and yet, so scared. I keep saying that, but do you really understand what I mean? I love being scared at movies, and wish that the were scarier ones to really thrill me. This is sort of like that, only multiply by 1000. Because like I said, this is real.

I will really be flying into a respectful yet not necessarily politically stable foreign country, where I technically do not know anyone. I will really be learning a new language and living with a local family and staying in a monastery as well as all alone for three weeks in a hostel. I will really be all by myself.

Whenever we seek to change something about ourselves, something within always wants to stop us. When I was attending church, we always said the adversary was trying to prevent us from fulfilling our eternal potential; now I see it less as a mythical spirit and more as the negative part of ourselves. We always believe the bad things we think and hear about ourselves much more readily than the good. I don't want to be that way anymore.

One of my favourite poems by Shel Silverstein is called Whatif.

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
And pranced and partied all night long
And sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pol?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems swell, and then
The nighttime Whatifs strike again!

The "What Ifs" and the "I cant's" will not win this time. I have my tickets and I am going to change my life.

Change. That is what this is about. Learning and growing and changing.

 I can do this.


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