Forgiveness.

Sometimes I find myself re-approaching old habits without realizing it. One of those habits is losing myself in a negative spiral of self pity. I used to whine and complain and cry "oh, why me? Why doesn't anyone help me/love me/ stand by me". Which is actually quite idiotic of me, since so many people help, love and stand by me. The problem is when we forget that our worth has not to do with others, but instead is set by our own selves. A famous quote, "we accept the love we think we deserve" illustrates my point. We allow ourselves to be loved or cared for in a way we think we deserve. If we didn't think we deserved to be treated poorly or carelessly, we would leave these relationships. But so many of us do not. We allow ourselves to be mistreated by partners, family members, friends and co workers.

Let's no longer put up with it. Starting now, I challenge you to re examine what you think of yourself.  Look in the mirror and instead of sizing up your flaws, say three positive things about what you see. Then say three positive things about your personality or talents. Start by telling the biggest bully in most if our lives, ourselves, to knock it off and start acting with respect.

I found a quote today which seemed pretty relevant to my situation. I posted it on Facebook only to have a friend ask for advice about it- she was going through something similar.

If someone hurts you, abandons you, betrays you, it says nothing of your worth and everything about their character.

This doesn't mean that everyone who leaves you is bad, or that breakups mean one person is a horrible meanie and the other is a saint. What I take from it is that when you are not given the respect you deserve, that every one of us deserves, then it doesn't mean you are worthless. It reflects the character of the person who wasn't mature enough or honest enough or just plain good enough to act with respect.

After someone has wronged you, hurt you, broken your heart or your trust, forgiveness is difficult but a worthy skill to develop. I say skill, because it is A tricky thing. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting what was done to you and allowing those people who hurt you back into your life while handing them the ability to do it again. Mistrust is to be avoided, but caution welcomed. Encouraging a forgiving heart allows personal growth.

Compassion, forgiveness, these a the real, ultimate sources of power for peace and success in life. -His Holiness the Dalai Lama

The act of forgiving benefits you much more than the person seeking forgiveness. Quite often we do not want to let go of a wrong we suffer, whether large or slight, because we feel forgiving means we are letting the perpetrator get away with it. That we are in a way endorsing that behaviour. Holding on to resentment or sadness isn't just depressing, it ca have real, negative effects on your health. Imagine it like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. Absurd, and unfounded. 

Holding onto resentment causes stress. Stress will mess up your body and its systems. I know when I was a full time student and faced with finals, three semesters in a row my hair fell out. No exaggeration, the week or so before finals I could find a loonie sized bald spot on the back of my head. The hair always grew back, but damn! It made me really self conscious. I also suffer from auto immune disorders which get worse when stressed. (So why am I attempting a stressful, crazy adventure? Why not? Can't live scared my whole life!) 

Stress can cause heart disease, sleep disorders, it has been linked to raised rates of obesity, it can exacerbate skin and digestive disorders, raise the incidence of depression, and complicate menstrual cycles. Just to name a few.

Forgiveness does not dismiss the past, but it does enlarge the future.-Paul Boese


Namaste, friends

Laura

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Educating Women

Growing up in Saint John, I was fortunate that I had a loving family, a stable home and a good education. It wasn't until I was an adult that I really felt like I was being treated differently because I was female; in my life, I hadn't ever experienced it.

Yet in many parts of the world, including our own progressive country of Canada, women are treated less than their male counterparts. In many developing countries, most in fact, girls work while boys are offered what little education opportunities may be available. And on the surface, it seems harmless. In truth, by keeping girls home and working, undereducated, the conditions and poverty of their lives are less likely to improve.

That is, if an effort is made to educate girls in developing countries, to promote education to women in our country as well as others, poverty can be greatly reduced. Fertility rates drop, girls have fewer but healthier babies. Coupled with this is a decrease in mortality rates for both mothers and their children. Women who are educated have smaller families but are able to offer the healthier futures.

Educating women reduces their risk of HIV transmission. Right now in parts of Africa, young adult women are the fastest growing group of new HIV infections. How frightening is that? Yet by educating women they are in greater control of their own bodies are have the knowledge to help prevent deadly STD transmission.

Girls who receive an extra year of primary school can expect up to 20% better wages than girls who do not. Adding an extra year of secondary school could add an additional 25% to that. Wage increases benefit the family and the community.

And of course, investing in the education of girls now is also an investment in the education of future generations. Women are more likely to share their knowledge with other women, their children, and others in their community.

One of the reasons I am so excited about helping at the Koseli school is that they actively try to recruit girls; if they find a family with boys and girls, they try to enroll the girl first. They want to take everyone possible, it when restricted, they make an effort to take the girl. Which I feel very strongly about.

Just a few thoughts on the power of educating women.

Namaste, friends

Laura

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Hostel Shopping

Well, I lost my credit card, so I had to call my bank and have them cancel it and send me another. Which means I am prevented from booking my hostel accommodations. I am on my own to find somewhere to stay in Kathmandu. Alliance Nepal, an NGO based out of Pokhara will be handling my  arrival and roast 5 weeks, then I travel back to Kathmandu for the remaining 3 weeks at the Koseli school. I spend part of every day reading review after review of hostels in Kathmandu, and have a few requirements.

First is location. The school itself is in a part of Kathmandu called Tinkune, which has one affordable hostel. Only about 6 bucks Canadian a night. So I also have been spreading out, trying to stay within the Ring Road area (pretty much wraps around the centre of town and has a supposedly reliable transit system), without getting further than 5km away. A bus ride within 5km seems completely doable twice a day, and only costs about 20 cents each way. Even if I splurge a couple times, a taxi ride is only about 4 dollars CAD within this distance, so I can do it.

The second thing I am looking for is cleanliness. I don't expect Western standards, I can rough it. I just pay very close attention to what other guests have posted about beds (so scared of bedbugs) and the toilets. It is already going to be a culture shock, I would prefer to avoid hostels that reviewers specifically mention how disgusting the bathrooms are. I am avoiding a dorm room but sacrificing a private bath, so the state of the bathroom is very important.

The third is security. 3 weeks I will be assisting at Koseli, and I don't want to have to carry my netbook with me every day. So safety deposit boxes are a must. Also, I check for previous reviews from solo travellers, especially women, as to whether or not they felt safe.

So those are my main requirements as I search for my accomodations. I believe I will book by the week, instead of all three weeks at once. I mentioned there was be hostel in Tikune. It would be ideal, since it is only 5 minute WALK from Koseli, but one of the reviews mentioned the hstel was less than clean. Everywhere else I find that is affordable (read 10 dollars or less a night) are further away in the neighborhood of Thamel.

Thamel is the main tourist area in Kathmandu. It has so many hostels and guest houses and hotels, as well as restaurants, bars, shops, markets, trekking companies, etc. From Thamel you can plan your entire tour of Nepal. For me, Thamel means a transfer on the bus route, and a total of up to 45 minute travel. Not bad, sort of like how long it used to take me to bus to campus. But wouldn't you prefer to be 5 minutes from your main destination?

By booking by the week, I can "suffer" through the hostel in Tinkune should it be bad, and take Saturday to check out a couple hostels in Thamel. Should I be surprised and find the cheap and close hostel is actually great, I'll just extend my stay. Easy peasy. I hope.

I just can't do anything until the new card arrives. So I try to stay healthy, work hard, save my cash, and prepare. Only 40 days!

Namaste, friends.

Laura

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The Countdown Continues...

47 days from this post is my adventure. 47 days until I am gone. Now comes the dreariness of waiting. The biggest problem with waiting is that I think about things. A lot. Most days I am actually in control of my thoughts, able to take the negative ones, the sad ones, and push them away. I use this trip as a way to focus myself, thinking instead of what I can share with these children to inspire them and make them feel worthwhile.

A those times when I start to feel melancholy because my plans are for naught and I feel most rejected, I return to the Koseli blog and watch Renu Bagaria speak about the children and the school. It renews me when I feel so horrible. People are out there who are good and want to change other people's lives. There are others whose suffering is so much worse than my own. I have so much to give- my love of English, of science, of crafts; my enthusiasm and acceptance; and of course, just my love. It sounds so cliche, but truly, I have such immense love and compassion to share.

I have always respected the Dalai Lama, and find much comfort in his words. He is quoted often on loss, on compassion, on happiness and peacefulness. I am hoping that my experience at the monastery will allow me to understand further where his philosophies come from. Unfortunately, he is not speaking nearby while I am in Nepal. Can you imagine if one of HHDL's speaking engagements was near enough for me to attend? I would be so thrilled. But that is not to be.

It is worth remembering that the time of greatest gain in terms of wisdom and inner strength is often that of greatest difficulty- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

I hope that is true. I mean, deep inside, I know it is true. The darkest hours are when you see how bright you can truly shine. It is the fire that burns away impurities, leaving you tempered and strong. Yet knowing that doesn't always help when you find yourself in what seems like a never ending labyrinth of hopelessness. So I hold on to the hope that this, all of this, the pain, the rejection, the uncertainty and the anger all just serves to help me grow.

Damn I wish I didn't have such a tough growth plan, though. I wouldn't have minded changing a little, if it meant keeping some things (and some people) in my life. We cannot make others do as we please, we must allow them to live as they want. We are only in control of our own reactions.

And my reaction to this is to make a difference. To hope for the future, and change my life now.

Namaste,

Laura

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The Countdown Page

So I can't figure out how to add the countdown to the side of the blog, here is my official countdown!

Sometimes we lose ourselves...

It has been a few days since I have posted, not because I have lost my excitement but because I find the waiting, the anticipation to be overwhelming. I am trying to work as much as possible, get to the gym and learn everything that will help me when I travel to Nepal.

It doesn't help with the anticipation though. I want it to be the end of May already, so that I can have my bag packed and have started this adventure. But I still have 52 days until I leave. That is just under 2 months until I leave the comfort of my childhood home and travel across the world to a foreign land.

Right now, Eat Pray Love is on television. All I can say is, are we all clichés? Woman loses herself in a relationship, the relationship ends, she travels the world to find herself?

Well, this is the first time I've actually seen the movie and although there are some similarities between my story and that of Elizabeth Gilbert, we are both very unique as well. It is because each of us, me, Ms Gilbert, you, we all are the star of our own life.

I don't mean that in a selfish way, although I have continually told people that I am going for very selfish reasons. I don't hide the fact that I am doing this to renew my passion for- well for something. It is too easy, (and I hate to generalize but...) especially for women, to lose our individuality when we find our match in life. This, to me, is when relationships become hard and someone ends up wanting out. We think because we found that person with whom we laugh the most, feel the safest, are the most attracted to, everything should be happiness and love. Two "I's" become "we's", and "me" can disappear.

At least, that is what seemed to happen to me. Having found a partner in life, I lost me to we and found myself waiting. Instead of attacking each day with passion, I was waiting for each day to happen, wasting time until he came home and we could go do something together. Waiting for the day I would be done school, all the while finding (however valid) excuses to postpone semester after semester. Waiting for a promotion at work, so that I could contribute more and pay off more bills. Waiting to just live more.

I used to be someone who seized experience as it crossed her path. I used to have such life in me, and although I don't blame my most recent relationship for losing that (in fact, because of him and his support, i have made some major growth in many ways), I do know that the comfort of having someone who loves you and protects you and just plain makes you feel worthwhile can make you complacent.

For me that girl started to disappear ten years ago when I first got sick. It was around my 25th birthday that the digestive issues and muscle pain really started to impact my daily life. Then the skin/gland issues started a few years later, all to culminate in a Laura who was just ready to give up her dreams. During this time I still went out with friends, pursued relationships, went to school and worked. But the last five years were when the most change happened, both positive and negative regarding mental and physical health. I wouldn't be who I am without this past relationship.

Of course, I also wouldn't be going to Nepal if it hadn't ended when it did.

I wouldn't be so desperate to find that girl with the unending dreams and the inability to accept that things might not work out. It wouldn't be so urgent to prove to myself that I am still Laura Jane, unique, strong and capable. Life wouldn't have handed me the answers I needed. I would still be afloat in that fog of complacency.

As I write this, the movie still plays, and I find myself slightly jealous. Oh if only I had the money to take a year. To have the resources to lounge in paradise. It seems like the gatekeeper to happiness is money. To spend 4 months eating in Rome, then 4 living in India, followed by 4 more in Bali would mean 2 big things: first that you need a large amount of money to even consider the trip, second that is an entire year of lost wages. Of course, when a writer embarks on a year of self actualization, it usually also becomes a year of writing their experience.

I don't have that money. I have the generosity of my parents, my older brother, many of my friends, even some professors who have heard of my coming adventure. I have what I save over the next two months, and that is it. Then I am off to live like an actual citizen of Nepal. No fancy resort, no hot showers, in some cases no actual toilet.

But I am excited to do it. To seize the day. To be the Laura that I used to be so proud of.

Responsible Volunteering

Having grown up involved in Brownies and Girl Guides, I was taught the idea of leaving no trace behind; when applied to traveling or hiking, it has to do with leaving no trace of yourself behind. I like this idea, but how do I go and volunteer in a foreign country without leaving some of me behind?

I don't just mean in a garbage or ecological sense; I am concerned with the cultural impact I will have as well. Partly in a desire to not impose western entertainment or commercialization as much as possible, partly to not add to the often fraudulent "voluntourism" industry. As I have done research I have found some unsettling things about many volunteer companies, not just in Nepal but throughout many African and Asian destinations.

I have done a lot of research and contacted people about their experiences with my volunteer organization, Alliance Nepal. I have gotten positive responses from people in the US and the UK, so I feel confident in choosing them. Unlike some volunteer organizations, Alliance Nepal doesn't charge exorbitant fees for a week or two of semi work- they do charge money but it goes to paying for your food and lodging, a donation to the project you are working at (to the library or health post or orphanage or monastery), plus a small amount for language training and travel around Nepal. Being able to see the breakdown of where the money goes makes me feel good about the organization too.

As does the contact, a man named Krishna. He lives in Pokhara, where the offices of Alliance Nepal are also located. Everyone says he is a happy, capable, trustworthy man who is dedicated to the improvement of Pokhara and the people of Nepal. Sounds great to me.

Unfortunately, this isn't the case of with all experiences. Due to the rise in popularity of overseas travel, coupled with a desire to make a difference, a new industry was born out of the previous backpackers/do gooders vacations: the voluntourism industry. You may have sat through a presentation at school as to why one or two weeks building schools of doing conservation is a great idea. And it can be. But it can also be more harmful than good.

Irresponsible volunteering organizations are designed to do one thing: take your money. Your motives may be irreproachable, but the organization just might not be. I have read stories of fake orphanages where children are brought from local families before the volunteers arrive; NGO's (non governmental organization) who funnel the cash and items donated to orphans and schools into their own pockets; even stories of volunteers who show up only to be dropped off in an isolated, rural community with no school, no students, and no training.

Being taken in by a shady organization is just one of the concerns with overseas volunteering. Another issue is whether the volunteers are actually needed. Building a school in a third world country is commendable, but if it takes jobs from the local workers who could be paid to build that school, then it effects the local economy and really doesn't help. (I am not saying all building or any type of volunteering is bad, just be aware of the impacts it may have- working alongside local craftsmen, learning from them and doing the unskilled jobs is a way responsible groups are able to positively impact rural areas.)

I had to ask myself, why do I want to do this? Will what I do make a real positive impact, or does it have hidden, negative impacts I just don't see right now? I know, and am honest about the fact that at its root, I am doing this for me. I am fulfilling a dream to visit a Buddhist monastery, I am on a journey of introspection and self discovery, and I want to feel good about giving something. I am not taking away from a local who would be teaching instead of me; I am attempting to teach English without using western icons from Disney, Pixar and other commercialized sources (I know, I know, most of that is worldwide anyway but still). The children at the Koseli school wouldn't get any education without the volunteers, so I feel comfortable with teaching there as well.  I can't see how this trip could negatively impact those I am visiting and wishing to serve.

The people of Nepal do not need clothing handouts, they do not need us to sweep in and hand them food or financial aid. Everything that I have read is that while they appreciate the help of English speaking volunteers for teaching and medical training, what they need is for is to stop giving children who beg candy and money. They need us to do our research when coming to offer our help, so we don't do more harm than good.

Each day as I prepare further, I worry that my choice to volunteer might have some negative impact. When I do worry, I start googling and researching until I have feel confident that the two organizations I will be assisting are reputable, are reliable, and really do make a positive difference in the lives of the Nepali people.

Namaste, friends.

Laura

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