Forgiveness.

Sometimes I find myself re-approaching old habits without realizing it. One of those habits is losing myself in a negative spiral of self pity. I used to whine and complain and cry "oh, why me? Why doesn't anyone help me/love me/ stand by me". Which is actually quite idiotic of me, since so many people help, love and stand by me. The problem is when we forget that our worth has not to do with others, but instead is set by our own selves. A famous quote, "we accept the love we think we deserve" illustrates my point. We allow ourselves to be loved or cared for in a way we think we deserve. If we didn't think we deserved to be treated poorly or carelessly, we would leave these relationships. But so many of us do not. We allow ourselves to be mistreated by partners, family members, friends and co workers.

Let's no longer put up with it. Starting now, I challenge you to re examine what you think of yourself.  Look in the mirror and instead of sizing up your flaws, say three positive things about what you see. Then say three positive things about your personality or talents. Start by telling the biggest bully in most if our lives, ourselves, to knock it off and start acting with respect.

I found a quote today which seemed pretty relevant to my situation. I posted it on Facebook only to have a friend ask for advice about it- she was going through something similar.

If someone hurts you, abandons you, betrays you, it says nothing of your worth and everything about their character.

This doesn't mean that everyone who leaves you is bad, or that breakups mean one person is a horrible meanie and the other is a saint. What I take from it is that when you are not given the respect you deserve, that every one of us deserves, then it doesn't mean you are worthless. It reflects the character of the person who wasn't mature enough or honest enough or just plain good enough to act with respect.

After someone has wronged you, hurt you, broken your heart or your trust, forgiveness is difficult but a worthy skill to develop. I say skill, because it is A tricky thing. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting what was done to you and allowing those people who hurt you back into your life while handing them the ability to do it again. Mistrust is to be avoided, but caution welcomed. Encouraging a forgiving heart allows personal growth.

Compassion, forgiveness, these a the real, ultimate sources of power for peace and success in life. -His Holiness the Dalai Lama

The act of forgiving benefits you much more than the person seeking forgiveness. Quite often we do not want to let go of a wrong we suffer, whether large or slight, because we feel forgiving means we are letting the perpetrator get away with it. That we are in a way endorsing that behaviour. Holding on to resentment or sadness isn't just depressing, it ca have real, negative effects on your health. Imagine it like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. Absurd, and unfounded. 

Holding onto resentment causes stress. Stress will mess up your body and its systems. I know when I was a full time student and faced with finals, three semesters in a row my hair fell out. No exaggeration, the week or so before finals I could find a loonie sized bald spot on the back of my head. The hair always grew back, but damn! It made me really self conscious. I also suffer from auto immune disorders which get worse when stressed. (So why am I attempting a stressful, crazy adventure? Why not? Can't live scared my whole life!) 

Stress can cause heart disease, sleep disorders, it has been linked to raised rates of obesity, it can exacerbate skin and digestive disorders, raise the incidence of depression, and complicate menstrual cycles. Just to name a few.

Forgiveness does not dismiss the past, but it does enlarge the future.-Paul Boese


Namaste, friends

Laura

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