So during this final week of my adventure, I have been attending Yoga and Meditation daily. The yoga isn't as tough as I thought it would be, luckily my workouts and stretches and bastardized-yoga-routines at home have helped me be ready to take part. Interestingly enough, the meditation is really tough.
The first half hour is analytic meditation, or thoughts and conclusions. Like today, our guru spoke about motivation; that we all have motivation to do what we do, whether it is the ants who are motivated to work, animals motivated to hunt, or people motivated to seek out meditation or guidance or clothes or cars or wealth... And that at the root, that motivation is really for happiness, to avoid suffering. Animals, insects, people, everything is motivated to reduce their suffering and be content, to be happy.
He also gave us the quote:
"Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts
towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can."
It is from the Dalai Lama. Our guru asked us to think about how fortunate we are each day to be alive, to have the ability to seek out what makes us happy and to control our thoughts and actions. When we die, we no longer have our body to control; we can no longer speak, interact, be with our loved ones. Whatever your belief system, when you die you are no longer a part of this earth. And so we cannot waste the life and opportunities we have each day.
I am only 35, but I have already lost friends. People I care about, my grandparents, others I have looked up to, friends I attended school with or worked with, they have passed on. They are gone. I am not. And I am fortunate each day to wake up and be alive.
I nearly started crying as he spoke. How is it possible that I was ready to waste my own life, my own talents and strengths? It was a dark period for me, but there was a time when I just wanted to not wake up. Let me be clear: I wanted to die. I do not want to die any longer.
It isn't just living life, though. It is taking each opportunity to find out what philosophy is right for me, to find out if Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Wiccan, Athiesm, whatever- take the time to investigate what truth is right for you and your life. Allow others to believe what is right for them. It is also improving ourselves, not to be the best, to be the richest or the most famous, but to be able to ease the suffering of our fellow beings. If you can't make equal in your mind all beings, from insects to cows, to cats to people, then just focus on helping and loving your fellow man. To allow all people, no matter race or sex or orientation equality. To not be jealous (I have trouble with that- I am so jealous of people with singing talent), not to be hateful or spiteful, but to be honest and caring and compassionate.
After we have a period of thinking- of coming to conclusions and using our minds actively, we spend the other half of meditation clearing our minds and focusing on our breathing. Letting go of all that is happening in our brains, in our lives, and just breathing. We practice a Tibetan breathing technique where you do 9 rounds of breathing. Each round is a breath in and out, and you count them to 9. You only continue to 9 as long as you do not get distracted. That is the most difficult part. Not thinking about anything but the breathing. Not letting the noises outside distract your mind, not thinking about the video you watched before meditation, not allowing thoughts of those you love and miss in as you focus only on your breath in, your breath out.
Then, when the mind is calm, you begin to focus on your heart, picturing a light as bright as the sun glowing from your heart, your body disintegrating into nothingness, then the light envelopes the building you are in, the city you are in, the entire world. It spreads, beyond the earth, beyond the planets, beyond the sun until there is absolute nothingness.
That is the goal of this meditation, to lose oneself into the calmness that is nothingness. That is where true control of your mind comes from. When you are able to take your consciousness into this nothingness, you can then save yourself from the negative effects of anxiety, attachment, depression, to control your wants and seek true happiness. And that is why it is so hard for me. My mind is always doing so many things at once, thinking of so many different things, desiring so many things, worrying about so many things. And that is also why I find this meditation so important. I want to take control of my mind, to harness it, not kill it. To be able to improve myself, help others- both those I love and those I don't even know- and to use each opportunity to its fullest.
I am so grateful for this trip, I continue to learn about myself and my world everyday. It is Wednesday evening, I leave Sunday afternoon. I can't wait to come home, I miss home so much, but I will be sad that my growth here will end. It is easy to learn lessons when each day is filled with new and foreign experiences. It is tougher to keep motivated and learning and improving when you are in your comfort zone.
Yet that is my goal. To continue learning, growing, and improving.
Namaste
The first half hour is analytic meditation, or thoughts and conclusions. Like today, our guru spoke about motivation; that we all have motivation to do what we do, whether it is the ants who are motivated to work, animals motivated to hunt, or people motivated to seek out meditation or guidance or clothes or cars or wealth... And that at the root, that motivation is really for happiness, to avoid suffering. Animals, insects, people, everything is motivated to reduce their suffering and be content, to be happy.
He also gave us the quote:
"Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts
towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can."
It is from the Dalai Lama. Our guru asked us to think about how fortunate we are each day to be alive, to have the ability to seek out what makes us happy and to control our thoughts and actions. When we die, we no longer have our body to control; we can no longer speak, interact, be with our loved ones. Whatever your belief system, when you die you are no longer a part of this earth. And so we cannot waste the life and opportunities we have each day.
I am only 35, but I have already lost friends. People I care about, my grandparents, others I have looked up to, friends I attended school with or worked with, they have passed on. They are gone. I am not. And I am fortunate each day to wake up and be alive.
I nearly started crying as he spoke. How is it possible that I was ready to waste my own life, my own talents and strengths? It was a dark period for me, but there was a time when I just wanted to not wake up. Let me be clear: I wanted to die. I do not want to die any longer.
It isn't just living life, though. It is taking each opportunity to find out what philosophy is right for me, to find out if Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Wiccan, Athiesm, whatever- take the time to investigate what truth is right for you and your life. Allow others to believe what is right for them. It is also improving ourselves, not to be the best, to be the richest or the most famous, but to be able to ease the suffering of our fellow beings. If you can't make equal in your mind all beings, from insects to cows, to cats to people, then just focus on helping and loving your fellow man. To allow all people, no matter race or sex or orientation equality. To not be jealous (I have trouble with that- I am so jealous of people with singing talent), not to be hateful or spiteful, but to be honest and caring and compassionate.
After we have a period of thinking- of coming to conclusions and using our minds actively, we spend the other half of meditation clearing our minds and focusing on our breathing. Letting go of all that is happening in our brains, in our lives, and just breathing. We practice a Tibetan breathing technique where you do 9 rounds of breathing. Each round is a breath in and out, and you count them to 9. You only continue to 9 as long as you do not get distracted. That is the most difficult part. Not thinking about anything but the breathing. Not letting the noises outside distract your mind, not thinking about the video you watched before meditation, not allowing thoughts of those you love and miss in as you focus only on your breath in, your breath out.
Then, when the mind is calm, you begin to focus on your heart, picturing a light as bright as the sun glowing from your heart, your body disintegrating into nothingness, then the light envelopes the building you are in, the city you are in, the entire world. It spreads, beyond the earth, beyond the planets, beyond the sun until there is absolute nothingness.
That is the goal of this meditation, to lose oneself into the calmness that is nothingness. That is where true control of your mind comes from. When you are able to take your consciousness into this nothingness, you can then save yourself from the negative effects of anxiety, attachment, depression, to control your wants and seek true happiness. And that is why it is so hard for me. My mind is always doing so many things at once, thinking of so many different things, desiring so many things, worrying about so many things. And that is also why I find this meditation so important. I want to take control of my mind, to harness it, not kill it. To be able to improve myself, help others- both those I love and those I don't even know- and to use each opportunity to its fullest.
I am so grateful for this trip, I continue to learn about myself and my world everyday. It is Wednesday evening, I leave Sunday afternoon. I can't wait to come home, I miss home so much, but I will be sad that my growth here will end. It is easy to learn lessons when each day is filled with new and foreign experiences. It is tougher to keep motivated and learning and improving when you are in your comfort zone.
Yet that is my goal. To continue learning, growing, and improving.
Namaste
You are so beautiful. xo
ReplyDeleteM7 darling daughter, you are becoming a gem.
ReplyDelete